Learning how to make time for yourself as a new mom is incredibly essential to surviving motherhood. The martyr era is ending. We are ending the, “OMG you bend over backwards for everyone in your life. What a supermom!” In order to making time for yourself, we need to put a stop to this outdated and useless mentality.
During the motherhood journey, we often lose ourselves. Whether you continue with your career, become a stay at home mom or change career paths, it is honestly bound to happen. Whether you have five kids or this is your first, it is inevitable.
What many moms and people don’t realize is that it does not have to stay that way. The pain many individuals go through is seeing others suffer, and themselves thinking that is “just how it is” and “that’s life.” Me personally, I find that an awful way to live. No, life is not a big rainbow, but it also doesn’t have to be this misery where we are living for everyone but ourselves.
Learning how to make time for yourself will bring you all sorts of benefits. Finding yourself and endeavoring the life that is meant for you is just the beginning.
This post is all about discovering how to make time for yourself as a new and busy mom.
How to Make Time for Yourself
the importance of taking time for yourself
Losing ourselves during motherhood and playing the “martyr” is a very common thing that happens. When I first had Owen, I discontinued my skincare routine, rarely exercised, and ate pretty poorly. In the beginning, I remember making excuses as to why I didn’t have time to shower.
At the beginning of being a new mom, I would say this is all pretty normal. You’re learning all these new tasks and skills as to how to care for this very vulnerable, little human. But as tasks start becoming less new and you start getting the hang of it, things do get easier. It takes you less time to change a diaper and figuring out the carseat gets easier with practice.
I’m a little over a year now into motherhood, so I am much more conditioned to mommy life than I was when Owen was a newborn. Thankfully, I’ve learned showering is essential (lol). Also, I have gotten back to doing the things that I enjoy and need to do in order to make myself feel good and human.
The rut that many of us face during motherhood is that we are constantly trying to be the best mom possible for our kids. “Mom guilt” is a feeling that we all experience, and it makes us second guess every decision we make. Another road block we face is actually not understanding what recharges us and doing all the wrong things that actually make us feel worse.
So, why is taking care of yourself important? It is important because we are all human. And in order to survive, we NEED to recharge our mind and body. Yes, you now have the new title of mom but you also still have the original title you were born with. You, yourself. In order to successfully feel grounded, experience happiness, be calm at home, feel fulfilled, feel yourself (etc.), you must create time for yourself.
If you don’t create time for yourself, that is when feelings such as: being on edge, burnout, anxiety, extreme fatigue, depression, and feeling unfilled all creep in. If you are here, it is okay. I was too. I know it will happen again in my life at some point. What matters is that you are here now. You obviously clicked on this post to learn on how to make time for yourself. Some part of you realizes that you need to start taking care of yourself. And that baby girl, is awareness. And awareness is the first step.
how to focus on yourself
In the section below, I will cover more deeply on actually finding time when you’re a mom. In this section I want to talk about what it actually means and how to start bringing the attention to you.
Like I said above, awareness is always the first step. Awareness can be the most difficult step because to get to this point can take a lot of pain. Many times, we have zero idea why we are experiencing burnout and always on edge. The following steps may not be as difficult, but they will take lots of courage, acceptance of change, and time.
Bringing the attention back to your wants, needs, and desires takes huge commitment. If you don’t have much experience with self-reflection, it’s totally okay! But just know that with commitment, it takes time. Think of it like the physical exercise. You decide you want to get fit and tone up your thighs. Then ask yourself, okay why do I want this? Maybe you want to live a longer, healthier life. Or maybe you want to look your best this summer. Okay, so what is it going to take to get there? Maybe a year gym pass or a 60 day fitness challenge on YouTube. Whether you choose the gym membership or workout class, you will get the similar result of looking and feeling better. But what matters most is the commitment. The commitment to GOING to the gym and MAKING IT to your workout class.
So ask yourself, why do you want to start focusing on yourself? What are you trying to get out of this? Maybe you’ve noticed your patience is basically at zero at both work and home. Or maybe you feel like you’ve lost yourself since becoming a mom. Whatever your drive is, remember it. Either write it down somewhere or put it in your phone. This “thing” that is driving you to work on yourself is what you will need to stay committed and focused.
self reflection
One way to begin to focus on yourself and bring the attention to you is to do self reflection. Self reflection is a beautiful way to really get to know yourself on a deeper and higher level. A few ways self reflection can be done is by:
- Journaling
- Listening to a podcast
- Reading & taking notes
- Meditating
- Going on a walk
- Yoga, pilates, stretch
The main point of self reflection is to learn and begin to think deeply about whatever it is you are trying to focus on. So maybe you are trying to focus on learning and doing what makes you happy. I would then suggest listening to an informative podcast (my personal favs are Call Her Daddy, On Purpose with Jay Shetty, and The Self Love Fix with Beatrice Kamau). And maybe after you listen to an episode that resonates with you and your situation, journal on it or take notes.
Another example may be you are trying to focus on being less type A and going with the flow. I would then think meditation would be highly beneficial to you. Or maybe even something deeper like therapy, to try and understand why you are so type A and anxious. Maybe, you could pick up a book on self discipline and learn how to change your mental habits (a great one is Mind Hacking by Sir John Hargrove).
being consistent
I already touched on this earlier, but another key factor when zoning in on yourself is to be consistent. Sit down and analyze your life and schedule. Especially as a mom, you probably aren’t going to have loads amount of time in your day to self reflect. But try your best to pick a time slot for at least 5 days out of the week that you will be able to set aside some time for yourself. Just like the physical exercise example given above, you will literally not get anywhere if you don’t take the time to practice and be consistent. And again, if you need the inspiration just remember what is driving you to do this.
how to make time for yourself when you are busy
Whether you are a stay at home mom, work full time, or a little bit of both, you have your hands full. When it comes to taking time for yourself, you have to be a little more creative. I am here to say, that it is possible.
Everyone’s situation is different, so when learning about how to make time for yourself, it is important you look at your own life. It is so easy to compare and wish you had this or that. In all honesty, there are parts of that persons life that they too wish were different. So instead of comparing and thinking negatively, understand that you can make this work for you. Again, bring yourself to ask what and why you are doing this. What are your goals and what are you trying to get out of making time for yourself. This thought process in itself will help you stay focused.
the seasons of motherhood
Just like many aspects of life, motherhood has its seasons. And with these seasons, you may have more or less time available to focus on yourself. Maybe the kids are home for the summer from school, so it’s going to take your family a week or two to get into a new routine. Or you just recently gave birth. Maybe it’s winter time and everyone in the house is sick. Consistency doesn’t necessarily mean to force or pressure time into these busy seasons of motherhood. That is not practical, so don’t make yourself stressed over getting the same amount of “me time” during these busy times. But when this season ends or you get adjusted, reevaluate and see where you can start adding more time in your week.
focus on the week, not the day
Recently, I’ve learned a new key piece of advice with my toddler. That is to not focus on how much he eats in a day but focus on how much he eats in a week. Some days, he’s truly only interested in pancakes and cheese. Whereas other days, he actually will touch his peas and chicken. This can honestly be so irritating as a mom, but I’ve started to accept and realize we too do this in our adult life. I am much more capable of getting a full body workout in when my husband has the day off. So the other days, I don’t pressure myself to get a full 60 minute workout in and just focus on getting some sort of physical exercise for the day.
I want this to be your same type of mentality when it comes to making time for yourself. If we add pressure to do the SAME thing everyday, it just adds more stress and almost causes the opposite effect. Sometimes then, we just say screw it, think it will never work for us and give up.
Instead, pick out a couple days in your week that will be the easiest and most convenient for you to make time for yourself. Add the activities that will take up the most time onto these days. With the leftover days, sprinkle some activities in here and there. They don’t have to be anything super time consuming, but make sure to do something that will recharge you.
finding time in your routine and lifestyle
Finding time that works for you will depend on your schedule and lifestyle. I will use my life as an example but then also provide other examples that may be better suited for your routine.
Personally, I love my schedule. I work part time at my job and the other days I am home with my baby. The two days I am at work, I don’t have much free time. For me, I have found it is incredibly necessary to recharge myself each and every day (aka I am incredibly high maintenance lol). Even if I only have 20 minutes a day, I need it. The times I have found that work the best for me are:
- Getting ready in the morning
- In the car- to drop off Owen and go to work in the morning
- In the shower
- Before bed
Because I have limited time, I have to pick activities that don’t take much time and effort. So maybe in the morning while I am getting ready for work, I listen to a self development podcast and finish it on my way to work. While I am showering, I’ll listen to a meditation or just do some deep thinking about my day. Before bed, maybe I’ll turn on my favorite YouTuber or read my book. Sometimes, I am able to leave work a little early and head to the gym for a quick stair stepper or sauna session.
I have found that picking times that are GUARANTEED allow me to be super consistent during these busy days. So guaranteed time would be: me showering, me getting ready in the morning and the car ride. Finding these guaranteed time slots have allowed habits to be made and consistency to be formed.
Other available time you might have in your day would be:
- Waking up an extra 30 mins before your kid(s)
- Nap time and/or play time
- Extra time between work and pick up from daycare
- Allowing a friend or family member to watch your kid(s)
- Days significant other is home
I highly suggest you take some time to sit down and map out your routine and which time slots would work for you. Again, really focus and remind yourself WHY you are doing this. We all have different requirements, so maybe all you need is 15 minutes a day to recharge! Or maybe you want to start off slowly and just use your morning and night routine to self reflect. That’s totally fine! Over the next weeks, you will understand more about what is actually possible for you and how much and the type of “recharge” your body needs. I hope this post was helpful and able to give you a better understanding on how to focus on yourself as a busy mom. Just taking the time to read this was a great way to start your journey. xxx
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