Maybe you’ve heard of the fourth trimester? Or maybe you were too busy deciding what stroller and car seat you should pick out. There is almost ZERO recognition to this incredibly hard trimester. It’s okay if you were too focused on baby and ignored reading all up on this trimester. I too did the same thing. I thought I would for sure be fine and ignored all my red flags of history of depression, anxiety, and having baby in the middle of winter (this list could go on and on).
Disclaimer: This post discusses topics surrounding mental health, which may be triggering to some. Please discuss with your doctor, your best treatment options as my journey and tips may not be the best for you. xxx
We live in a world that is completely centered around the first three trimesters, newborn care and products. Don’t get me wrong, you do want the best car seat for your baby. But newborn “essentials” shouldn’t occupy all of your time.
When I was pregnant, I had a family member mention, “Make sure both you and Mark are aware of the emotional game after you have baby!” I honestly thought I would be fine. I won’t be pregnant anymore, and I will be so in love with my new baby. I won’t even have the time to be sad!
The fourth trimester is filled with MANY emotions, both happy and sad. At the end of the day, we will all have different experiences, just like we did with the first three trimesters. My purpose for this post is to spread awareness on how difficult the fourth trimester can be. I don’t want any of you to feel like you’re being a bad mom, because maybe you aren’t as happy as you thought you would be.
This post is all about spreading awareness on the fourth trimester. This will include what it is all about, signs I experienced, and what I did to push through it.
Fourth Trimester
4th trimester
how long will it last?
So, what is the fourth trimester? A majority of sources will say it is the first 12 weeks after having baby. Personally, I would say this trimester doesn’t have a specific time frame like the other three trimesters, and all women are going to answer this question differently.
If I am being honest, the first 4 months were very hard for me. From sleep deprivation to emotions being high and not knowing what the hell I was doing, it was rough. This also was my first baby, Owen wasn’t an amazing sleeper, and I had a history of depression and anxiety. The list of factors can go on and on that influence a woman’s postpartum experience. No matter how long or short you feel your fourth trimester lasted, we have one thing in common: we all experience it.
Breastfeeding or planning on it? I have a post all on essentials to help you through your journey <3
what is it like?
If I had to shorten up my personal definition of the fourth trimester it would be: a shit show. Now if you are pregnant with your first, I don’t want to sound like this is such a dreadful, awful experience. Because honestly, you are going to come out of this experience a completely different woman.
You know how people talk about how they all of a sudden go all “mama bear mode.” Past self used to be so scared to stand up for themselves, but now they don’t give a f*ck and would do anything for their kid(s)? Yes this is a similar thing, but it has to do with YOU. You now will become so resilient. Whether it has to do with setting boundaries, issues at work or with friends, you will become so incredibly intelligent and strong.
Not only as a mom but also as a woman, you go through SO much during this time. You learn how to function off three hours of sleep, you realize you can’t be saying yes to everyone, and you understand how important it is to take care of YOURSELF, in order to be a mom.
In order to become powerful, you will have to go through some shit to get there unfortunately. But that is what life is all about baby! We never truly realize or understand anything without putting a little work in.
From my own personal experience, I had many moments of self doubt and wondering if I could be the mom I had always dreamt of being. I didn’t feel like I knew what I was doing and felt like a failure to my own expectations. My relationship with my partner was constantly being put to a test from exhaustion and hormonal fluctuations. I felt like I was losing so many parts of myself and didn’t even recognize who Britney was anymore.
Not everyones experience will be like mine. I just find it to be very important to be aware of the feelings that you can feel.
fourth trimester tips
I wish I had a whole page full of ways to get you in and out of this trimester. I wish I had magic products or activities to help all the emotional feels fade. Truthfully, like I stated above, this is just something we as women have to go through. Like how f*cking powerful are we? The amount of SHIT we have to go through is insane. That is why we are superior and are so amazing though 😉 I don’t have the answers, but I do have ideas to help smooth out this era.
To get a clear understanding as to what “typical” feelings are and what’s “not so typical”, I suggest you talk with your doctor. I don’t want to just use that as a gateway from me explaining. Because mental health is such an important convo, that is something that needs to between you and the professional. It is also best for your own understanding to hear what “typical” fourth trimester feelings are and what is not.
lean on your support people
If I didn’t have people to go to during this time, I don’t know how I would have made it out. Find your gang and lean on them. Typically, we love to be super independent and don’t want to rely on anyone right? I totally believe that, but during times that are so deep and dark- you need someone. Anyone that you trust with your thoughts and feelings, go to them. Whether it is your partner, best friend, doctor, mom or even a community of moms- they will be there for you during this time.
For both all things mom and baby, the what to expect community is amazing. You literally enter in info about your due date and baby, and you get set with a community of women with similar due dates. You then can ask all sorts of questions. Because they gave birth around the same time, they too are probably also going through it.
Find your new fav postpartum outfits here!!! <3
therapy
Is my answer for everything therapy? Yes. Am I wrong? No. Therapy during my postpartum period was amazing for me. I began therapy when I was in the deepest hole during my fourth trimester. I was struggling adapting to being a mom, I didn’t understand my identity, and I was struggling with setting boundaries.
What I really love about therapy is you are receiving both a listener and a helper. And not just any listener and helper, but an un-biased, professional one. I think therapy can really benefit anyone. Even if you think you got it all well managed and life’s going great, go to therapy. Because we all know as great as that all is, it always changes. It’s life right, things are always happening and changing. If you live in the middle of nowhere like me or would prefer virtual therapy, BetterHelp is a great option.
podcast, music, books
If you aren’t already a podcast girly, I highly suggest you become one. I absolutely love to read, but ever since becoming a mom it is just not as convenient in my life right now. Podcasts are amazing because you can literally listen anytime and anywhere.
If you prioritize reading, then I highly suggest you read the book The Fourth Trimester by Kimberly Ann Johnson. It is a very fitting book as to what you are probably going through right now. 🙂 If you are more in the mood for a relatable, comedy type book then my personal favorite is Dear Girls by Ali Wong.
get out of the house, even if it is just for a 5 min drive
I remember so many times, Mark would literally be like “Britney just leave. Leave the house for like 5 minutes, more if you feel up to it. But just get out.” At the time, it would feel like SO much work. Whether it was just me or I had to bring my baby with, it sounded like more work than any enjoyment I would get out of it. But truly, there is nothing more that I needed than to just get out. Even if I didn’t leave my car, just seeing other people out driving made me feel better.
During my fourth trimester I felt super lonely and isolated. So even just getting out for the tiniest amount made me feel more like myself and human again. I now have made it a routine to go to the gym every morning and walk the track with our son. No matter the weather or day of the week, it is something we can always go out and do. Because it has became a routine, I now actually look forward to this time out.
(doctor approved) exercise
Once approved, postpartum yoga was my favorite during this time. Here’s a link to my post on practices you can do once you get the okay.
limit screen time
No, I am not saying to completely take away any sort of social media or electronic device. But you guys, my Instagram was way too on point after I had Owen. I literally could not even go on my Instagram without seeing baby stuff. Sleep training, breastfeeding, and tummy time FILLED my feed. I couldn’t escape it. I already felt so distant from my old self, and this just made it even more of my reality.
Awhile ago, I once heard a girl say that the first three things you do to start off your day are so important. And for me, going on my phone was always my first thing. Like actually, how pathetic is that. Life and my time are both so precious, and I was choosing to go on my phone as soon as I woke up. I stopped allowing myself to go on my phone right away in the morning and replaced it with drinking water, stretching and journaling.
Screen time causes us to be extremely overstimulated. Add a crying baby on top of that, and you are for sure going to feel like shit. That doesn’t mean to just cut it out completely but try to be more mindful.
the simple things in life: water, sunlight, NUTRITIOUS food
If you can, be conscious of the food you are taking in and your water intake. These things seem obvious, but because they are so obvious, we sometimes don’t understand their strength.
There is nothing easy about this new transition of your life. Everything is changing, and everything is so different now. Let this post be your reminder that it is okay to not be okay. But understand, that these days aren’t forever, and soon you will be okay. I love you all so much! As always, thank you for reading! Check out my IG @dailyhotmom for inspiring quotes and affirmations to help keep you going during this time. xxx
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