Are you a people pleaser? Do you find that you are ALWAYS bending over backwards for everyone in your life, but for some reason they don’t always do the same? Feel burnout creeping up on you? There is a reason I am able to do so many different things in my day. From getting my work done to being a mom to doing my skin care, I have a lot on my plate. The one thing I have really changed since becoming a mom is prioritizing my daily self care. Why? Because in order to get the shit that needs to get done and take care of the people that matter most in my life, I NEED to be taking care of myself first.
I first realized I was a people pleaser back in college. I was always dropping everything for my friends and exes. It wasn’t healthy by any means, but I truly thought it was a good quality to have. It just means I am extra flexible and loyal, right?
Fast forward to when I had Owen. With work, family life, and being a brand new mom, daily self care was put way at the bottom of my list. With this, chronic burnout and being on edge took over my life.
Over the past year, I have listened to many podcasts and gone to therapy. I have learned that many of us have a deep root of people pleasing tendencies. For me, it is obviously something I am still working on and probably will continue to work on a majority of my life. I have learned that I am living for me and nobody else. And because of this, my days of people pleasing are over (or at least attempting to be).
This post is all about introducing daily self care habits for the people pleasing moms.
Daily Self Care
x out your people pleasing tendencies and swap it for internal self care & love
As people pleasers, we tend to look outward for self love, guidance and acceptance. While some relationships and moments may momentarily give us those feelings, it is incredible dangerous to depend on the external for self love. All external factors such as our environment and relationships can change. Because of this, we must look inwards to truly get stable self love we are looking for and need.
So what does looking “inward” mean? For me, I have found the greatest benefit by evaluating what my values are. Equanimity and being intentional are two values I really resonate with. So by respecting my values and myself, I need to live by these values through my day to day life.
Another way you can look inward is understanding what your love languages are. Typically, the love you give is how you want to be loved. So instead of depending on others, how can you give this love to yourself instead? No matter what your top love languages are, you can ALWAYS reciprocate it back to yourself.
simple self-care tips
In order to actually implement self care, it is super important that we recognize why we need it daily. You will often hear that our body is just like a car. As we all know, cars need routine maintenance in order for it to keep running smoothly. Treat your body just like a Range Rover. Would you buy this car and just never take care of it? Of course not, so why would your body be any different?
I am assuming you are a people pleaser, or at least have some people pleasing tendencies. In order to take proper care of ourselves, those tendencies need to be done with. No, you won’t be perfect. Even if you just begin to recognize when you are being a people pleaser would be a good start. Saying “sorry” all the time, dropping everything for those around you, and basing your personal beliefs off of outsiders’ opinions are common red flags. So think about your daily interactions with people. What are your common people pleasing tendencies? Once you start recognizing, you can then replace these actions with ones that benefit you and your values.
self care plan
So we now recognize why self care is important, but how are we going to actually fit these into our schedule? All of our schedules will be different as to when we can fit self care in, and it also depends what type of self care we are actually talking about.
There is the external self care that many think about: taking a bath, exercise, and skin care. There is also internal self care, which many of us forget about. Internal self care is basing your thoughts, words and actions off of your values. The great thing about internal self care is that it can literally be done anywhere at anytime. And although I love a good shopping spree and doing my skin care at night, (in my opinion) internal self care is more beneficial.
I will talk about specific internal habits to implement below, but for the most part these can be done at all times. When it comes to external habits, we sometimes have to get a little creative. If you want to start working out more, how are you going to make that a priority? What will you need to change? Maybe wake up 30 minutes earlier. If you are a stay at home mom, try taking advantage of nap time or your support person to help you get some extra time for yourself.
For me, planning self care changes with life. Sometimes I decided to wake up earlier and utilize that time. Other times I decided to take time for myself at the end of the night, once Owen was down for bed. Sit down and reflect if there’s anything in your day you can take away or minimize.
I think it is important to note, that not everyday will you realistically have time for a bunch of external self care practices. Life is life and seasons are seasons. When Owen was first born, I seriously got no sleep, so it was pure survival mode at that point. Understand what season of life you are in and just be realistic with yourself.
daily self care habits
external
Some people may say external habits are not beneficial. I would say there is a time and place for them. I can practice internal self care through out the day, but sometimes I just still need a good bath to help me wind down. So let’s dive into some physical. mental, and emotional daily self care practices.
- start your morning off with hot lemon water
- This is something I have been doing for awhile now. In the morning, our bodies are so dehydrated. The hot water will not only hydrate your body but also wake it up. Add some lemon and you will be receiving all sorts of benefits.
- end your day with herbal hot tea
- Maybe you had a drink with dinner? Or just didn’t do the best staying hydrated all day. I always love ending my day with my organic, herbal tea. I feel so good knowing I am giving my body one last boost of hydration, and it is also a good way to settle into bed.
- youtube
- Not everyone might understand me on this one, but I have personally always been a lover of Youtube. Over the years, I have found so many amazing women and personalities to watch and keep me entertained. There is just something about watching other people that are relatable and potentially going through similar things as you are. Maybe, you just want the pure entertainment and need to laugh after a stressful day.
- get sunlight
- If you have the luxury of being able to go outside, GO. Please. Just being out for 5 minutes will seriously flip your entire mood. If you are experiencing cold ass weather like me right now, then do all you can to bring in the light. Even if it is a cloudy day, you will still be bringing in some natural sunlight and receive the benefits.
- create a list of “things that make me feel good”
- I recently made a list in my notes app of: things that make me feel good & things that make me feel bad. Recognizing and being aware of what can flip our day on both ends is SO beneficial. When you’re done, pin that note on your app or place your written note somewhere you will for sure see often.
Here are the postpartum outfits your body has been BEGGING you for.
- discover a new podcast
- Similar to Youtube, podcasts are another great way to zone out and feel relief from whatever is going on in your day. Some of my favorites are On Purpose with Jay Shetty & Call Her Daddy.
- up your skin care game
- Maybe you’ve been lacking in your skin care routine. We all go through phases in our life where we have all the best products are stick to our routine, or where we let it slide. If you need some new recommendations, check out my Instagram where I am posting about skincare products that have transformed my skin.
- get your heart rate up
- You guys, no matter what you are doing to get active, you will feel the benefits. I never would have thought going for a walk would be my new form of exercise. And I definitely never thought it would do me so good. Just getting your heart rate even a little above its resting rate will have you feeling the benefits.
internal
Most of us really aren’t that familiar with “internal” self care. So let me welcome you to internal daily self care, that I practice every single day. This has completely transformed my mood. Internal self care is how we treat ourselves. Internal self care is SO huge for us people pleasers.
Day after day you are literally bending over backwards for people, and then you wonder why you feel so drained. Ever feel like you’re ALWAYS the one that everyone goes to for their problems? It’s because time and time again you show up for people. You drop everything for them.
Practicing internal self care is putting yourself first before everyone else. So, how do we actually practice that? Well first I suggest you sit down and think about what your values are as an individual. Maybe you have your own business so valuing determination would make sense. Or maybe you have kids and are constantly getting tested, so equanimity is something you try to practice. Whatever you find to be your top values, write them down or enter them into your phone.
On top of figuring out your core values, what are your top goals? Your goals are for you, so they can be as big or as little as you want them to be. Maybe you want your business to top off. Or maybe you want to start a family. Maybe, you just simply want to fit in your morning coffee and chill on the couch.
With my values and goals, I like to write these down daily. Every morning, I grab my journal from my bedside and start writing. I like to set out my intention for the day, which is usually intertwined with my values. I then, write down my goals- both long term and short term. Lastly, I write how I am going to achieve these goals. This can be written down as affirmations, quotes, or super straight forward as to logically how you will complete the goal.
I like to end my journaling session with writing out what I am grateful for. A way you can begin this prompt is to think back on what you used to wish for, that you now have. Or what are common situations or specific things that others typically wish for, that you already have?
Not everyone is into journaling, and that’s totally fine! You can simply do all of this just in your own head. Or grab your phone and enter this all in your note app. 🙂
last thoughts on people pleasing :’)
Many of us are people pleasers. For years, I have thought that it is my job to make people happy and feel comfortable. But the truth is, only WE are responsible for our own individual happiness. So in order for me to fully feel loved and appreciated, I need to be the one to give that to myself. I cannot control how others around me feel, therefore it is not my duty as a human to feel responsible for their emotions.
I hope this goes without saying, but that doesn’t give anyone the right to be a shitty person. Empathy is one of the top values and practicing it is so important. But take the weight off your shoulders and stop sacrificing your time and energy on others. Put that energy into DAILY self care for yourself.
Okay wow. I feel like this weeks topic was heavy. Daily self care is something I do not take lightly, and you shouldn’t either. At the end of the day, we are really only living for ourselves. Throw those people pleasing tendencies away and bring in some fresh, loving energy. And it’s ALL for you girl. I love you so much and hope you are able to incorporate these habits, starting today! xxx
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